I'm not intending for naughty words to go through your head; just to allow you the freedom to fill in the blank on your own. Rest assured, my blank is not "sunshine," "lollipops," or "rainbows". No, I feel more like I swallowed a watermelon, followed by a cantaloupe (which lodged itself in my chest), and finished the meal with a lemon. The lemon is stuck in my throat and trying to squeeze all its highly acidic juice all over the place in an attempt to join the party.
Recently, I read a report that when asked, "Are you finding everything okay?" by store employees, shoppers universally dismissed possible help, even if the shoppers actually needed help locating something. The article was basically stating that this was marketing at its worst- mindless questions become even more meaningless when asked routinely; it is more effective to ask specifically if the shopper needed this or that, or to point out things on sale.
I'm no marketing genius, but I do know that people frequently answer the questions, "How are you?" and "How's your day been?"-type questions with the same blank answers. Face it, do random strangers (or even good acquaintances) really want to know what's on my mind? "Actually, I'm recovering from the stomach flu [insert revealing details here], which is the real reason why I'm leaning over this cart, not entirely because of my large pregnant belly that I know you're dying to touch. Also, this store is way too crowded- you have corn husks all over the back, and people are swarming over the zucchini like 88 cents a pound is giving it away."
So why do we ask the questions? Is it poor manners to smile and say hello? I do appreciate conversation, after living in the northeast all of those years of the cold shoulder/suspicious glares/polite reserve if I say a few words. (It's still a little disarming, but in the end, you have to love the Texan hospitality/nosiness/"Bless their hearts...") I guess I really don't know. Tradition? Policy? Rules of etiquette? In any case, it's one of the oddities that makes up our culture. Since it keeps us talking, I shouldn't wonder and just accept that it's just one of the things we do.
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I have wondered why they ask that "Did you find everything okay today?" at the grocery store. Because each time I have actually said something such as - No, actually you're out of the 49 cent after coupon Cheerios, or the size 3T Pullups, it actually takes the cashier off guard and they mumble something like, oh... sorry about that... and said items are not mentioned again.
In Spain when you ask someone "how are you?" they tell you. Like "my brother is in the clinica" etc. So people don't ask how you are rather they simply say 'buenos dias' or whatever time of day it is--because they know if you ask "Como estas?" you are going to sincerely answer it. So they always look at Americans strangely when they ask that question.
How funny, I was in Spain with Flem, yet didn't make that observation. I shoulda paid more attention.
I worked with someone years ago who used to answer the How are you? question. She'd always roll her eyes and tell you how stressed and tired she was, when really like you say it was only meant as a greeting, not a real question. But her being such a downer helped me realize that I should try to be more positive in general cuz no one likes to hear whining.
Did you really get the stomach flu? Kurt got it BAD and Charlie has had it for the past two days. Horrible. And I totally do that dismissing help even when I need it thing at the store. Especially clothing stores.
One of the few things I learned in my Chinese class in high school is the casual phrase in China (esp. Hong Kong) is "Chi fan mei?", which basically means "Have you eaten yet?" It's a funny translation, but it's the casual way of greeting. They love to talk about food! I like the idea.
Implement it in your day-to-day in English. I think it'd be funny to see some distant acquaintance and just randomly ask them, "Have you eaten yet?" The quizzical expression they'll respond with should make it worth it every time.
Was the store you were referring to Sprouts? Because I was there today and people were shucking corn in the back like there was no tomorrow. Since when is it okay to shuck corn IN the store? I thought the general rule was to go sit on the back porch with a brown grocery bag and shuck them yourself, saving the silks to make disgusting 'dolls' with.
I've been thinking about this myself. When you are anything but "fine," do you enlighten anyone who asks how you're doing with what's REALLY going on, or do you lie?
I really have this problem with Camille because people ask me all the time how she's doing. I'm pretty sure they really don't want to hear, "Well, she's in end stage renal failure and needing a kidney transplant...but other than that, she's doing well!" So I usually say, "She's okay!"
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